Love is, a very dark subject, bare with me.
About a year ago I asked people I know and met what the perfect/ideal partner is, and out of all the relationship they had, were it their ideal vision of what the partner should be.
After going trough the results, I came to the conclusion that love is a vision that is guided by lust. Some people even claim that we need something to sweeten our eyes. But if love is guided by this ideal notion, we somehow get stuck in a whirlwind of lies and excuses, trying to convince ourself and the world, that we need to stay in a relationship, out of love.
When I held the survey, I was in a dating phase. And after the question “what is my type”, I started to wonder, why do I need one for, when in love. I started to wonder if love is racist or is discriminating. It's not like food where you have preferences or allergies. But people seem to love the same way they eat these days.
Which in fact is not crazy, because the “fairytale” kind of love is promoted on a daily basis through media. Songs like Ed Sheeran monster hit from 2015 “Thinking out loud” or the heartwarming sounds of Alicia Cara singing “But time comes to rest when you are by my side, it blurs”. There are more of course but naming all will make this article endless. Love is promoted in the vision of the writer on a daily basis. Seeing that mirrored to us, our subconscious mind starts to contemplate if we don’t need what we’re seeing or feeling while experiencing the way the artist loved. Just like when i’m listening to the verse “I did not know I was starving until I tasted you”, I suddenly feel the urge to feel what the artist is/was feeling. So without knowing, we are exposed to commercials on love, we only experience it as “it’s a story”.
I recently asked a friend, who is in a new relationship, “what makes your partner so special”. In translated words, I was told that his partner shared his views on life and supported him in becoming an independent entertainer.
I love to write about unconditional love. Call me a hopeful romantic but for me its passion or not at all. So in my dating phase, I wondered if it was actually possible to love in such a manner. The survey held last year answered that question for me. There is a smaller chance to love unconditionally simply because as humans we became prone to collect what is good to us. Have a stronger belief of what is good and bad and started to identify with a collective instead ourself. In that process, we lost all sense of understanding and are seeking common ground instead of the passion we behold.
A popular example is the fifty shades of grey series (not the movies). Love is not common so it is wrong to seek commonalities. Strange has become wrong and wrong has become good while mysterious is creepy. In a recent article I read, unconditional love is described as loving someone as they come. So there is no compromise, just acceptance. The fact we think we need to compromise ourselves to make a relationship work, makes it impossible to stay ourselves. And if not yourself, does love feel the same?
If you're seeking unconditional love, first you need to learn how to accept and understand. Accept people just how they are and your world will be open to new idea's. Try standing in the other shoes and experience life as they are. To understand and accept, we will need to be patient and need to listen to hear instead of listening to respond.
So idolizing some form of love experienced by others, is wrong, since love is just a representation of our feelings and cravings. Which translates to; if you were in bad relationships, it could mean that you are not in touch with your feelings and therefore are choosing partners based on a feeling guided by a notion you believed to be love.